How to deal with guilt and regret in a healthy way.
Feeling guilty is human. At some point in life, everyone has caught themselves thinking, “What if I had acted differently?”
Guilt and regret are powerful emotions—they can teach and strengthen us, but they can also imprison and paralyze us.
In this article, you will understand what guilt is, why it arises, how regret can transform into growth, and, most importantly, how to deal with guilt in a healthy way , according to psychology.
What is guilt and why does it appear?
Guilt is a moral emotion. It arises when we feel we have acted against our values or caused suffering to someone.
In its healthy form, it serves as an internal compass—helping us to reflect, repair damage, and grow as people.
But when it becomes excessive, guilt begins to erode self-esteem and makes us believe that we don’t deserve forgiveness or happiness.
This type of excessive guilt is usually linked to rigid beliefs, such as:
“I always have to get it right.”
“If something went wrong, it’s my fault.”
“I am a bad person because I made a mistake.”
These beliefs, rooted since childhood or reinforced by traumatic experiences, make the individual a hostage to self-punishment.
Clinical example: the burden of maternal guilt
Ana, 37, sought therapy because she constantly felt guilty about her 5-year-old son.
Whenever she lost her temper and raised her voice, she felt like “the worst mother in the world.”
During therapy, she realized this guilt stemmed from the rigid model she learned in childhood—growing up hearing that “a good mother never makes mistakes.”
Over time, Ana learned to recognize her limitations , apologize when necessary, and embrace her humanity.
Today, she is able to practice motherhood with more ease and empathy.
Guilt and regret: what’s the difference?
Guilt is the emotion that makes us feel responsible for something negative we have done. Regret , on the other hand , involves the desire to act differently—it is the awareness that we could have chosen another path .
While guilt carries judgment and punishment, regret brings learning and transformation.
Therefore, when understood and processed, regret can be a positive turning point.
Example:
Pedro cheated on his girlfriend and deeply regretted it. Instead of labeling himself as “an unforgivable cheater,” he sought to understand what led him to act that way—insecurities, emotional immaturity, and fear of rejection.
With therapeutic help, Pedro transformed his regret into self-knowledge , developing emotional responsibility and empathy.
Consequences of unresolved guilt
Ignoring or suppressing guilt doesn’t make it disappear. On the contrary, it accumulates and manifests itself in other ways.
Among the most common consequences are:
anxiety and ruminative thoughts;
insomnia and difficulty relaxing;
low self-esteem;
self-sabotaging behaviors;
social isolation;
depression or feeling of emptiness.
Furthermore, many people end up entering into punitive relationships , unconsciously seeking to “pay” for past mistakes.
How to deal with guilt and regret in a healthy way.
The good news is that it’s possible to transform guilt into learning . Psychology offers practical ways to process these feelings and regain emotional balance.
1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings.
Denying guilt only increases suffering. The first step is to acknowledge what you feel , honestly and without judgment.
Ask yourself:
“What exactly do I regret?”
“Could I really have done things differently in that situation?”
“Does this guilt help me or does it only hurt me?”
Acceptance is the beginning of emotional healing. Feeling guilty doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human.
2. Differentiate between actual guilt and imagined guilt.
Real guilt arises when you have truly hurt someone or violated your own values. Imaginary guilt,
on the other hand, stems from unrealistic expectations and rigid beliefs about perfection.
Clinical example:
Carla, 28 years old, felt guilty for not being present when her grandfather passed away.
In therapy, she realized that, in fact, she couldn’t have done anything—she was in another city, taking care of work.
What she felt wasn’t real guilt, but sadness and longing. When she managed to separate the emotions, she found relief and acceptance.
3. Try to repair it, whenever possible.
When guilt is linked to a real mistake, repairing the damage is one of the most effective ways to deal with it.
Offering sincere apologies, acknowledging the impact of your actions, and demonstrating change are attitudes that promote emotional release.
If direct repair is not possible (for example, if the person does not want contact or has already passed away), it is possible to perform a symbolic ritual — writing a letter, saying a prayer, or performing an act of generosity in memory of the person.
These rituals help to close cycles and restore a sense of inner peace.
4. Turn mistakes into learning opportunities.
Making mistakes is inevitable. What changes everything is what you do with the mistake.
Try to see guilt as an invitation to evolve.
Ask yourself:
“What is this situation trying to teach me?”
“How can I act more consciously next time?”
Self-reflection is the turning point that transforms pain into emotional growth.
5. Practice self-compassion.
Self-compassion is an essential tool for dealing with guilt.
Instead of criticizing yourself, treat yourself with the same care you would give someone you love.
Try mentally repeating phrases like:
“I’m learning to forgive my mistakes.”
“I deserve a second chance.”
“I’m doing the best I can right now.”
Research from Stanford University indicates that self-compassion reduces dysfunctional guilt and increases motivation to repair harm in a healthy way.
6. Avoid the cycle of self-punishment.
Self-punishment is a vicious cycle: the more you blame yourself, the more paralyzed you become—and the more paralyzed you become, the more guilt you feel.
Instead of punishing yourself, channel your emotional energy into constructive actions : help someone, strengthen your values, or get involved in something meaningful.
7. Seek psychological support.
When guilt is intense and persistent, the support of a psychologist is essential.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) , for example, the patient learns to identify distorted thoughts and replace them with more realistic perceptions. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT),
on the other hand, works on emotional acceptance and commitment to new behaviors aligned with personal values.
Professional help is especially important when guilt is accompanied by extreme self-criticism, anxiety, or depression.
Guilt, culture and spirituality
In some religious and cultural traditions, guilt is used as a tool for control or moral correction.
While it can promote ethics and responsibility, it can also generate existential guilt —that feeling of never being good enough.
Psychology seeks a middle ground: recognizing the moral value of guilt, but without allowing it to destroy self-esteem.
Working on spirituality in a healthy way — based on forgiveness, empathy, and acceptance — can be an excellent complement to psychotherapy.
Regret and emotional growth
Genuine remorse is an opportunity to reinvent oneself.
It connects us to our humanity and reminds us that we are all constantly evolving.
When you allow yourself to feel remorse without condemning yourself, you open space for learning and inner reconciliation.
Final considerations
Dealing with guilt doesn’t mean forgetting the past, but rather transforming pain into wisdom .
By acknowledging your mistakes, asking for forgiveness, and learning from your experiences, you free yourself from emotional weight and move closer to your best self.
Self-compassion, self-awareness, and psychological support are fundamental pillars in this process.
After all, making mistakes is part of life—and forgiving yourself is part of growing up.
