💡 Emotional intelligence: the secret behind healthy and lasting relationships

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as to perceive and empathetically deal with the emotions of others.
In a relationship, this skill is fundamental to creating an environment of respect, empathy, and balance—elements that underpin healthy and lasting connections.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to communicate their feelings without aggression, handle conflicts constructively, and understand their partner’s needs without getting lost in impulsive reactions.

The importance of emotional intelligence in relationships.

Developing emotional intelligence is not just a matter of self-awareness; it’s also a way to strengthen love and avoid unnecessary strain.
It helps couples to:

• To better manage differences and frustrations;

• Avoid emotional outbursts and impulsive behaviors;

• To promote clearer and more empathetic communication;

• Building trust and emotional security;

• Facing challenges and stressful moments together.

Without emotional intelligence, the relationship tends to be dominated by misunderstandings, accusations, and disproportionate reactions, which undermines the emotional connection over time.

How a lack of emotional intelligence affects relationships.

When one or both partners have difficulty managing their own emotions, negative patterns of interaction emerge.
Here are some examples of behaviors that indicate low emotional intelligence:

• Outbursts of anger: intense and disproportionate reactions to minor situations;

• Difficulty in apologizing: the person feels ashamed to admit mistakes or to show vulnerability;

• The need to be right: the priority is to win the argument, not to resolve the conflict;

• Avoiding difficult conversations: avoiding dialogue in order to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions;

• Constantly blaming others: a lack of self-responsibility and empathy.

These behaviors weaken emotional bonds and create a tense atmosphere.
The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and developed with practice and self-awareness.

The 5 pillars of emotional intelligence in relationships

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, a pioneer in the field, defines five essential competencies of emotional intelligence. Below, see how to apply them to your relationship:

1. Emotional self-awareness

It means being aware of your own emotions and how they influence your behavior.
For example, noticing when you are irritated and understanding the reason prevents you from projecting that emotion onto your partner.

Ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now?” — this simple reflection helps you deal better with your impulses.

2. Self-control

Having self-control isn’t about suppressing emotions, but about expressing them in a balanced way.
When you learn to pause before reacting, the dialogue becomes more productive.

Practical tip: take a deep breath before responding in a tense moment. This pause of a few seconds can prevent unnecessary arguments.

3. Self-motivation

Self-motivation is what maintains engagement and effort to cultivate the relationship, even during difficult times.
Instead of focusing only on failures, an emotionally intelligent person seeks solutions and celebrates small victories in the relationship.

4. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their emotions without judgment.
It allows you to listen attentively and respond sensitively, which reduces conflict and increases emotional connection.

Example: instead of saying “you’re exaggerating,” try saying “I understand that this hurt you.”
This simple change in language promotes acceptance and trust.

5. Social skills

It refers to the ability to communicate clearly, handle differences, and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Couples with good social skills know how to express feelings, ask for what they need, and maintain open dialogue, even in delicate moments.

How to develop emotional intelligence in relationships: 7 practical steps

Now that you understand the pillars, here are some effective strategies for developing emotional intelligence in your relationship:

1. Recognize and name your emotions.

The first step is to identify what you are feeling. Many people confuse anger with frustration or sadness with rejection.
Learning to correctly name emotions is essential for understanding and expressing them clearly.

2. Practice active listening.

Truly listening to the other person is a powerful demonstration of empathy.
Avoid interrupting, judging, or giving immediate advice. Just listen.

Active listening helps validate the partner’s emotions and strengthens the bond of trust.

3. Use nonviolent communication (NVC).

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a widely used technique in psychology and is based on four steps: observing without judgment, expressing feelings, identifying needs, and making clear requests.
For example:

“When you cancel our plans at the last minute, I feel frustrated because I value our time together. Can we reschedule with some advance notice?”

This form of communication reduces defensiveness and increases cooperation.

4. Develop emotional empathy.

Empathy is not just about understanding, but about feeling with the other person.
Try to perceive the emotions behind the words, observe body language, and offer genuine emotional support.

5. Think before you react.

During a conflict, stop and ask yourself: what do I want to achieve with this response?
Acting impulsively usually worsens the situation.
A conscious pause is one of the most powerful tools of emotional intelligence.

6. Practice forgiveness.

Holding onto resentment consumes energy and distances the couple.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or justifying the mistake, but rather freeing oneself from the emotional burden and making room for growth.

If forgiveness seems difficult, talking to a psychologist can help you understand the process in a healthy way.

7. Seek continuous self-knowledge.

Emotional intelligence is a constantly evolving process.
Therapy, reading, and personal reflection help to broaden awareness of emotional patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that affect relationships.

How can psychology help in this process?

Psychology offers valuable resources for developing emotional intelligence.
During psychotherapy, the professional helps the patient recognize patterns of thought and behavior that hinder emotional regulation and healthy social interaction.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) , for example, works directly with identifying and modifying automatic thoughts that generate negative emotional reactions. Couple’s Therapy,
on the other hand, helps both partners develop empathy, assertive communication, and conflict resolution strategies.

Furthermore, online psychotherapy has made access easier and more convenient, allowing couples and individuals to work through their emotional issues in the comfort of their own homes.

Practical example: when emotion takes over

Imagine a couple where one partner, feeling ignored, reacts with criticism and sarcasm. The other, in turn, shuts down and avoids dialogue.
Over time, this pattern destroys the connection.

By developing emotional intelligence, the first partner learns to express their need for attention without accusing, while the other learns to listen without becoming defensive.
In this way, conflict transforms into an opportunity for growth, not a war of egos.

Final considerations

Developing emotional intelligence in relationships is an investment that transforms not only how you relate to others, but also how you relate to yourself.
It is the foundation of empathy, respect, and genuine connection—pillars of any healthy and lasting bond.

Psychology shows that emotionally intelligent couples have more stability, fewer conflicts, and higher levels of marital satisfaction.
With patience and practice, it’s possible to build a relationship where emotions are allies, not enemies.