What is gaslighting? How to identify and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.
Have you ever doubted your own memory, perception, or sanity after a conversation with someone close to you? Have you ever felt confused, guilty, or even “crazy” because of something someone said—even though you were sure of what you saw or heard? If so, you may be a victim of gaslighting , a subtle and destructive form of emotional manipulation. In this article, we will explain what gaslighting is , what the most common signs are, why it happens, and how you can protect yourself with the help of psychology.
What is gaslighting?
The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play “Gas Light,” which was later adapted into a film. In the plot, a husband manipulates events within the house to make his wife doubt her own sanity, such as gradually dimming the gas lighting and denying that anything has changed.
In psychology, the term has come to describe a pattern of emotional abuse in which the abuser manipulates the victim into questioning their own reality. The goal is to confuse, destabilize, and gain emotional and psychological control over the other person.
How does gaslighting work?
Gaslighting typically occurs in intimate relationships—such as between romantic partners, family members, or even friends—but it can also happen in professional or social settings. The manipulator uses subtle (and often frequent) tactics to distort facts and weaken the victim’s confidence in their own perception.
Over time, the victim begins to internalize these distortions, doubting themselves, which can lead to feelings of confusion, shame, insecurity, and even anxiety and depression disorders.
Examples of common phrases in gaslighting
Some typical phrases used by those who practice gaslighting include:
- “You’re exaggerating, as always.”
- “That never happened. You’re making things up.”
- “You are very sensitive.”
- “You don’t remember why you’re going crazy.”
- “Everyone thinks you’re out of your mind, and it’s not just me.”
These phrases have the power to invalidate the victim’s feelings and rewrite reality in favor of the manipulator.
What are the signs that you might be experiencing gaslighting?
Identifying gaslighting can be challenging, especially because the process occurs gradually. However, there are important signs to watch out for:
1. You doubt yourself frequently.
If you start constantly questioning yourself — “Am I exaggerating?”, “Did I make this up?” — that’s an important warning sign. Gaslighting aims to undermine your self-confidence.
2. You apologize all the time.
Victims of gaslighting tend to apologize constantly, even when they have done nothing wrong. This happens because they are afraid of causing conflict or displeasing the manipulator.
3. You feel that everything you do is wrong.
The feeling that “nothing is ever good enough” and that you are always disappointing the other person is a clear sign of emotional manipulation.
4. You feel confused and disoriented.
Doubts about past events, difficulty trusting one’s memories, and frequent feelings of confusion are direct effects of gaslighting.
5. You isolate yourself from people.
Often, the manipulator causes the victim to distance themselves from friends and family, saying that “nobody likes her” or that “those people are just a nuisance.”
Why do people practice gaslighting?
Gaslighting doesn’t happen by chance. In general, people who use this tactic have an intense desire for control, may exhibit narcissistic traits, or abusive behavior. There may also be a personal history of trauma or insecurity, but this does not justify the abusive practice.
Furthermore, in some cases, gaslighting can occur unconsciously. That is, the manipulator may be repeating patterns learned in childhood or in previous relationships, without realizing the emotional impact caused to the other person.
How does gaslighting affect mental health?
The psychological effects of gaslighting are profound and cumulative. Victims of this type of emotional abuse may develop:
- Low self-esteem ;
- Anxiety disorders ;
- Depression ;
- Imposter syndrome ;
- Difficulty trusting others ;
- Social isolation ;
- Emotional dissociation .
Over time, the person becomes emotionally dependent on the manipulator, believing they are incapable of making decisions on their own. This dependence can make breaking free from the abusive situation even more difficult.
How to protect yourself from gaslighting?
Recognizing that you are being manipulated is the first step to protecting yourself. Below are some practical strategies:
1. Trust your perception.
Learn to value your feelings, emotions, and interpretations of reality. If something seems wrong, confusing, or unfair, pay attention to that sign.
2. Record facts
Taking notes on conversations, situations, or messages can be useful for maintaining an objective record of events and helping to differentiate reality from distortion.
3. Strengthen your support network.
Talking to friends, family, or trusted individuals is crucial. They can offer a clearer outside perspective on the situation and help you regain confidence.
4. Establish limits
Learning to say “no” and protecting your emotional space is an important step in breaking the cycle of manipulation.
5. Seek psychological help.
Psychotherapy is one of the most effective tools for dealing with the effects of gaslighting. A psychologist can help rebuild self-esteem, validate experiences, and develop strategies to leave the abusive relationship.
How can psychology help?
Psychology offers essential support both for the victim and, in some cases, for the aggressor themselves who are seeking to change. See how therapy can help:
- Emotional validation : the therapist helps the patient recognize that their feelings are legitimate and valid.
- Rebuilding self-esteem : After years of manipulation, it’s common for a person to no longer trust themselves. Therapy works on this internal reconstruction.
- Promoting autonomy : psychotherapy helps to regain a sense of control over one’s own life.
- Preventing new cycles : by identifying patterns, it is possible to avoid future abusive relationships.
Is it possible to leave a relationship involving gaslighting?
Yes. However, leaving this type of relationship can be challenging and requires planning, emotional support, and often therapy. Most importantly, remember that you deserve to be in healthy relationships based on mutual respect, listening, and trust.
Final considerations
Now that you understand what gaslighting is , it’s easier to recognize the signs and seek protection. No relationship should make you doubt yourself or live in constant emotional insecurity. Emotional manipulation can be devastating, but there are paths to healing and rebuilding. If you suspect you are experiencing this type of situation, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Remember: recovering your self-esteem and autonomy is possible—and you deserve it.
